Here are some thoughts which centre around some specific questions about each person in the couple and about them together as a couple; in particular, ``independence to do what?'' and ``partnership for what?''. (I know it may seem odd to be ``scientific'' about relationships, but given the intelligence to think rationally through things, you'd be letting yourself and everyone else down if you didn't!) So you get the questions:
If you feel you can answer all those (honestly and fairly, without even the slightest bit of dodging any issues that make you uncomfortable!) you're doing well, I think!
I haven't gone through them systematically yet myself, but I will soon; I know what I think my answers on some of them are!