Why do we not want to co-operate with someone who wants something very much?

Just a stub for now

[96 Jan 22] idea typed in; more written 96 Aug

On quite a few occasions I've noticed that when someone has pressured me a lot to do something for them, I've felt reluctant to do this, and likewise (more from times when I was depressive and felt insecure) when I've pressured someone about something, they've resisted.

I've often wondered about why this is, and have eventually managed to put together ideas from having seen both sides of the problem.

I think it happens when these conditions hold:

  1. The person who wants something does so so strongly that they come across as using the other person as a tool to acheive their aim.
  2. The person who wants something feels that they're not fully accepted as a peer -- they are in some way ``tainted'' -- and that having the action done will assure them that they are a peer -- remove or deny the ``taint''.
The combination of these means that the person who is being asked to do something may feel that they're being used as toilet paper, to wipe very personal dirt off the other person.

[970415] Further realization

When you see someone degrade themselves into bootlicking, it's embarrassing to be associated with someone in that condition, and frightening to wonder what they're going to do next to ingratiate themselves to you.

Also, they're usually asking for some kind of emotional intimacy -- ``show me I'm your pal'' -- and demanded or enforced intimacy of that kind is no more welcome than them getting their head inside your trousers and starting to lick. (revise language here!)

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